Lonely Thoughts
by thunderbird5
Summary: Reflection: a lonely soul's perceptions of self. Enjoy!


**Lonely Thoughts- A Poem –Beta-ed by Darkflame's Pyre**

Have you ever thought of what is in the sky when you look up at night?

Have you ever wondered who's looking down at you?

What might be out there?

Will we ever find out one day?

I'm looking down on our home,

Wondering if someone, somewhere is looking up to try and find me.

I'm staring into space;

Watching, wondering.

I'm looking at the lonely stars,

Winking,

Singing their lonely songs,

But can you hear their screams?

See them grow with time?

Can you hear the music they make?

Hear them, feel them?

I'm sitting at the window, wondering, thinking; what if,

When and how?

I hear the sounds of my home away from home,

Feel her swing around the earth.

Can you see me?

Can you hear me cry?

Can you feel my lonely shudders?

When I'm down there.

I'm with my family and friends.

Still, I have that feeling when I'm left alone.

Left alone just for a short while.

I'm back at my home away from home.

Tonight I am alone.

Sitting in front of the world's best technology,

Technology that only a few know of,

And will ever know about.

They are down there; I could call when I want.

Talk to them. See them smile.

I have a friend down there. Someone who understands me

I could call and they will listen to me rant on for hours on end.

That person would tell me to cry,

Scream if I want.

Talk it all out.

They tell me that they are sending me hugs and chocolates to make me smile.

That they are there, when I'm lonely,

A friend who I can trust,

But they are a friend I've never met in person.

A friend who accepts me for who I am,

A friend who understand my frustrations,

I sit here and wonder.

Where did I find you?

What made me send that message asking for friendship from a stranger?

Why did this friend reply?

What did they read in my message?

I sit here and wonder.

Am I dreaming?

Have I lost my mind?

Has my loneliness finally driven me mad?

I sit here sometimes and just cry.

Not because someone at home had a fight,

Not because I was left out of something,

Not because I was away at boarding school as a kid.

Not because things were hidden from me.

Not because they let slip and I find out about something I never knew.

But because no one really knows or understands me

I'm not like everyone else,

I don't do what you would say is normal,

I don't go to clubs or drink myself drunk,

Can you see me reaching out to help?

Could you hear when I ask if I could help with something?

Can you see me trying to make your day?

Can you see who I really am?

Do you know me?

Can you see me hurting?

Can you feel my pain?

I sit in front of the window,

Staring into space,

I sit and hear and wonder,

I look at my reflection in that window,

Who is that person, staring back at me?

Why is that person so sad?

Why is that person crying?

Why isn't there anyone drying the silent tears running down that sad face?

Why isn't anyone hugging them, and saying that everything will be okay?

Why isn't anyone letting that person be who they really are?

What are they hiding from that person I see?

Did that person I see do something wrong?

Is something wrong with the person I see?

Why is this person I see, kept away from life?

Why is it that the friends I care for are so far away?

Why is it that I can only text or visit them once or twice a year?

Why can't I just tell them?

Why am I so messed up?

Are they afraid of the person they might see?

Are they afraid of losing that little one they once knew?

I sit in front of the window,

Am I dying inside?

I look at the face staring back at me,

Blue eyes; just so, so sad.

Will they ever know me?

Will they ever understand me?

I sit in front of my computer.

Wondering, thinking,

Putting down my thoughts;

Black on white,

Pale on ebony,

I look at them with tears welling up in my eyes.

Will they ever know the real me?

I close my laptop. Get in my bed.

Alone,

Closing my eyes,

Letting my mind follow a fantasy,

Letting it take me to a happy place,

Where I'm the real me, that no-one is able to change.

Before my dreams claims me I wonder;

Who am I?

My eyes shut and my body prepares itself for another lonely day to come.

My mind knows no more,

Until I'm awakened by a call for help from somewhere down there.

I'll forever wonder;

Who am I?

Do you know?


End file.
